Friday, February 19, 2010

Our Bonka

...Bonka is ready to go be with my paw paw and her sisters and brothers. She has lived a full life, with kids, grandkids and two, great-grandkids. I miss her already and she's still clinging on to life and I must say, with all of the odds against her, she has been a fighter. What do I want my boys to remember most about their great-grandmother? SO MUCH. Her strength, her love, the way she used to sit and do crossword puzzles while watching young and the restless, how she could always make a sandwich better than anyone, her hands were always cold-but when you touched them, you felt her warmth inside, the way she perfected italian cooking in the kitchen for all of her family, how her house always smelt of garlic(Ha!), most of all, I want them to remember how her face lit up when they would walk into her home. Every time she saw Jacob, she would get this smile like I had never seen...I cherish those moments where she would share "eskimo" kisses with my two sons. Eskimo kisses were our little "thing" that we did each time we said hello and goodbye. She taught me so much about being a mother. I cherish the relationship that I had with her for my entire life. I remember her holding me when I felt sad throughout my life...she would hold me and cry with me and suddenly I felt a sense of calm. How does a grandmother do that so well? as for her name? Josephine Arnona...she always has and always will be Bonka to me, my husband and boys. I was Jacob's age when I came up with her name and it certainly stuck. and I think she liked it? She has it on her headstone right next to my grandpa. so many memories, I know her smell( it scares me that I'll forget it), She was quiet most of the time, but I could tell in her eyes that I made her proud. She loved my husband-she looked forward to our wedding for a very long time...she looked beautiful. I have those memories with me forever and they will never be forgotten. Never. Love you Always, Bonka. You left us with the greatest of memories and a lifetime full of love-I don't remember a time where I felt angry or mad at you and that brings me joy, I will make sure Jacob and Justin grow up knowing of the love you had for them and Jacob told me this evening as I layed in bed crying for you, "Make sure we go and tell Bonka we love her in the morning."...we love you forever. I feel scared and afraid, but I should not because you are going to be with the Lord, to the most beautiful place...but I want to be selfish and keep you here with us, but not as you suffer like this.

2 comments:

The Roaches... said...

Oh Marissa! You have beautifully captured the person your great-grandmother is with what you've said. And now you have this emotional pregnant woman teared up. Haha. Keep your chin up and know that your family will carry her stories and memories with you forever. You know we live close to the medical center should y'all need anything. Just call!

The Scott's said...

ugh...the tears are flowing over here girl. i just want to hug your neck and make everything better! take care and please let me know if you need anything. love ya and praying for all of you!