Okay, so my "Bonka"(grandmother) has only been in Heaven for a few months now and I find myself missing her more and more. I thought it gets easier? When does that happen? Now with Justin turning ONE this week, I know that pictures like the one below of her with my Jacob will never happen between her and Justin. I miss talking to her, I miss asking her for her amazing recipes- I feel like I didn't take advantage of the time I had with her. I mean, yes I saw her all the time, talked to her on the phone and visited with her as much as possible...but I don't feel like I LISTENED to her. Her wisdom, her stories, her...well, just everything. I miss her voice, and I miss the way she would hold you tight right before she said goodbye. Her hands were always so cold and I would warm them up with mine. I want Jacob to remember her, sometimes I think he already forgets? Justin didn't get a chance to form a relationship with her and that breaks my heart each day. I wish I had more pictures with her. I have pictures of her, but not WITH her. all of these regrets..is that a normal way to feel? Oh I just hope I make her proud as a mother. I want my boys to know how much she loved them. Her face would light up when Jacob would go running down her hallway...it was such a beautiful thing to watch. and Jacob, being the tough boy that he is, would run staright into her, almost knocking her down and she'd laugh. I want him to remember that. Believe it or not, that's her with Jacob. He was so small and look at his blonde hair!! She liked to sit outside and watch him play...I will show all of these to Jacob and Justin and tell them stories about how much their "Bonka" loved them. I may be feeling sorry for myself, but...I miss her.
Mono Lake and Mammoth Lakes
8 hours ago