Monday, January 25, 2010

Bonka

Bonka,
I know you'll never be able to see this, but I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. Almost every memory of me as a child has you in it. You took care of me when my mother couldn't be there, you helped us through my parents divorce. Although you are not doing well right now, I am so thankful that you had a opportunity to know and love Brandon and my two sons. Jacob talks about his, Bonka all of the time. He loves going to your house to play and get out your stool and sit right next to YOU. I love watching the two of you when he gives you eskimo kisses...so precious. You have been there through all of my ups and downs, no matter what. I hated when the day would come where you got sick, were in pain and I had to watch you suffer. Watching you lay there yesterday made my entire body ache. You were so lifeless and helpless. So hard for a granddaughter to watch. I wish there was something i could do to make you feel better, something, anything. But there isn't. All I can do is pray and know that you will either overcome all of these issues or you will go be with PawPaw, your mom and dad and your brothers and sisters. I want to be so selfish right now and keep you here with me. Is there a terrible way to be? I can't help it. I want my boys to be with there Bonka longer, I am not ready for this. Please be strong and get through this. You have lived with congestive heart failure for a long time now, You were my inspiration to go out and work with patients who had heart attacks, only because I thought in some way, me helping others could help you overcome this disease. But this is all too real right now. I am so thankful for all of our memories I will keep with me forever...and the time I have had with YOU. All these years and you are such an incredible, inspiring woman. I love you always, Bonka. Be strong and pull out of this, please.

This is you holding Jacob on his first Easter, 2007.

This was at the St. Joseph Altar in 2009. When your health was better, you worked with all of your friends in making this special each and every year. For those that don't know, St. Joseph is an Italian/Catholic tradition. Glad we could all be there together this year.


You holding Justin. I love this, because this is the ONLY picture I have as of now of you holding our youngest son. Although he is small, we will show these pictures to him and tell him stories about the wonderful, Bonka he has. LOVE YOU ALWAYS. Please pull through this and be strong, Bonka. PLEASE.



1 comment:

The Scott's said...

You have me in tears! Just know that I am praying for you, your family, and sweet Bonka during this difficult time. I love you and if you need ANYTHING, please just call!